[Intro – Eminem]

Yo.. yo!

Mic check.. (My dick!)

Testing.. one, two

Ffff-fuck.. (My dick!)

My nuts..

[Verso 1 – Eminem]

My attitude is worse

than NWA's was

I'll battle you over

stupid shit and diss people

who ain't have shit

to do with it,

like Cool J does (My tattoo!)

You see me standin outside

of your buildin; screamin,

"Puffy is good, (HEY!)

but Slim Shady

is for the children!" (WAIT!)

I look at my life in

a new light — fuck it

Give me two mics;

I write songs for me —

fuck what you like

You're probably hear me

rap half-hearted;

cause I don't like rap anyway

I'm just tryin to get

my porno career started

Every place and event..

Been There, Done That

Shit, Dre stuck me in

a suitcase when he went

"Come on, let's go!"

Want a deal?

Study these 5 chapters

Lesson One:

Throw demos as hard

as you can at

signed rappers

Lesson Two:

Face em and diss em

(whattup dog?)

Don't give em a demo;

kidnap em (I want you

to come with me)

and make em come to

your basement and listen

(you're gonna fuckin

check this out)

Lesson Three:

Get a job at a label;

switch demos with Canibus

and put yours on the

owner's table (here listen!)

Lesson Four: 'Know you

heard this before'

"Hey let me get your number;

I'll call you tomorrow, for sure!"

Don't act like a fan —

you wanna get signed?

Get the whitest

A&R you can find

Pull him aside and rap

as wack as you can

Lesson Five:

Get a hook-up at Jive

Dress up like I.C.P.and have

them come see you perform live

And that's the key,

but when you see me on the street;

I ain't givin you shit bitch –

don't even bother askin me

(get away from me)

Toilet water splashes me right

in the ass when I'm spittin

cause I'm always shittin when

I'm rappin like Master P

Got a blowjob from

Paula Jones, and stuffed it

so far in her mouth

my balls broke both of

her collarbones (OWW!)

Told Mya this shit was all

about me-ah ("It's all about me..")

Gave Alyssa Milano syphillis,

mono and gonorrhea

("You're a dick!")

And all three of my main

girls said SEE-YA

Cause Brandy and Monica

walked in and caught

me fuckin Aaliyah

(What? Oh my God!)

I splish splash while I'm takin a bath

Grab a handful of pills,

break em in half, take em and laugh

White trash —

fuckin your wife in the ass

("Oh! Ooh Shady! Oooh!")

While you're out siphoning gas for

your lawnmower to cut the grass

[Ritornello – Eminem]

So if I hurt your self-esteem

and you get dissed too bad

[Yo why you diss me?]

You know I just be sayin

that to get you mad

And when I rap about

a buncha shit

you wished you had

[A big dick!]

You know I just be sayin

that to get you mad

"I can't listen to that song,

that shit's too sad!"

You know I just be sayin

that to get you mad

"He'll never make it,

his wrist is slit too bad!"

[Nurse! Nurse!]

You know I just be sayin

that to get you mad

[Verso 2 – Eminem]

What a wonderful day;

I should go outside and play

Ain't no need to sit inside

the house and hibernate

Hi Renee! (Oh hi!) I was just

about to toss a live grenade

in your driveway (WHAT?)

and drive away

Are you afraid of a blade made of a

razor with AIDS blood drippin from it,

rippin your stomach like a paper mache?

You talk a lotta shit,

but you was never ill though

I'm sick enough to beat you

to death with a feather pillow

Tipped over some cows,

just for a joke and a laugh

(MOOOOO!)

Jumped up,

choked a giraffe,

snapped his neck

and broke it in half

Wagin wars, went on stage

and sprayed Cage

with  Agent Orange

And wiped my ass with

his page in Source (Here!)

The demon is here,

steamin this year

I rip [*Mystikal's*] voicebox out,

scream in his ear (AHHHHHH!)

It's not a gimmick bitch,

it's an image I live it

Give a fuck?  I don't know

what a fuck is to give it

"Yeah I don't think

this guy is well.."

I'm high as hell

I'll beat you with a live cat

when I'm swinging him by his tail

[Eminem as Method Man]

I'll fuckin, I'll fuckin

Lay your nuts on the dresser

Just your nutsack by itself  and bang

them shits with a spiked bat

Cut your neck off and

sew your head right back

And leave you like that

[Verso 3 – Eminem]

You just triggered the prick

who just mixed liquor

Who's itchin to leave you

disfigured and stiffer

than Chris-topher Reeves,

I was teething with strep throat

while your mother was breastfeeding

and gave her the

flesh-eating disease

I'm iller than takin a hammer

and beatin your knees

and walkin through

South Central L.A.,

bleedin in jeans

(Am I a Blood or a Crip?)

Wakin up the next day

in breathin machines

Flashin back to being shot

and repeatin the scenes

on how you just got smoked,

and if you do live you'll be too scared

to tell it, like a Biggie and 'Pac joke

[Ritornello – Eminem]

So if I hurt your self-esteem

and you get dissed too bad

You know I just be sayin

that to get you mad

And when I rap about

a buncha shit

you wished you had

You know I just be sayin

that to get you mad

"I can't listen to that song,

that shit's too sad!"

You know I just be sayin

that to get you mad

"He'll never make it,

his wrist is slit too bad!"

You know I just be sayin

that to get you mad

[Outro – Eminem]

I know that makes you

real mad, don't it?  (uh-huh)

That's right, Slim Shady  (yup)

Sway & Tech

Sprayin wreck  (bitch)

And we don't give

a heck  (uh-uh)

or a damn.. or a fuck.. or a shit

So suck my motherfuckin dick